New Plans

I just woke from a nap at my mom's work. I know it looks bad on her, but it was much needed. I haven't gotten much sleep in the past month. Every time I hit the hay my mind goes buck wild and I think.

I think about doc topics and pitches. I worry about not being in a tight crew and I deliberate whether I've made the right choice with my MA. Don't get me wrong, I love documentaries and enjoy making them; I put in all my time and effort when I do. I think having a masters in Doc Media would be great, especially in terms of research, production and investigative journalism, but the thing is- I don't want to make documentaries as a career. I want to anchor.

Before, I dabbled and thought about being a television personality. I'd be a good one. But I don't want to be a bimbo like Kelly Ripa from Regis and Kelly Live. I don't want to talk about entertainment, and I find celebrities a bore. When I applied to MTV, I cried and told Peter how I regretted it and that, although I may look the part, the passion's not there.

So that's when my desire to work in China tiptoed back into my thoughts. I've always wanted to learn Mandarin, and I think the language and characters are beautiful. China's obviously going to be the next super power, so why not go there and put my BA to good use? It's like this: Rome was the place to be when the Romans were in power, then it was the States. Now, it's Big Red.

I told my dad, my grandparents and friends how I felt. My dad told me to do my masters, then go and learn Mandarin. My grandparents obviously want me to learn the language right away. My friends, well, they just want me around. So I was torn. Stay in school and then go learn the language? Or go study Mandarin and see where things take me?

I spent a few more nights in bed wide-eyed, looking at my ceiling. I thought about my rapidly disintegrating three-year plan. Before the recession, I imagined myself on television by twenty-five, twenty-six. Now, due to the hundreds of cutbacks, I probably won't get on til my late twenties. That's a two to three year setback. That means my career will be stable three years later, I'll marry three years later, and everything will be pushed back.

If I were to get my Master, I'd be twenty-four when done, which isn't bad, but then I've got to learn Mandarin. So that's another year. Afterwards, I'd have to find a job and work my way up. It's a lot.

However, no matter what, I really want to go to grad school. But then I thought, maybe I should go for journalism? The mediums are changing. When I talked to Paul Knox, he told me how the new masthead will incorporate broadcast, print AND radio. "Every thing's going to be different," he said. So perhaps after a bit, I'll go back to school, get re-informed about the changes, then emerge more knowledgeable on how things work. Plus, to be totally honest, I can't afford thirty-grand right now. If I learn Mandarin, then work a bit in Chinese news, and maybe I'm naive for thinking this, perhaps my job will pay for a bit of my schooling. It's a thought, right?

So, after days of very poor sleep, I've decided to put my masters on hold and go learn Mandarin. I really want to hit the ground running once I've got the language down pat so I'm going to concentrate really hard and make the most of our stupid economic meltdown.

Peter was right when he told me to go to China. "That's the place to be," he said during winter break, "You'd be excellent." I could tell he was a bit disappointed when I asked him to sign my Master recommendation. He gave me the, "Aw, there she goes. Down another path. Talent wasted" type of sigh.

Now, here I am! Ready and willing! Je suis tres excite! Wish me the best of luck!

What a momentary relief! How great it would feel!

Wouldn't it be nice if it just snowed? Remember the first snow fall we had last year? I think it was in October or November and it was actually beautiful. Then it didn't snow for a bit and some people missed it while others forgot. Then, we had our second lovely snow fall in December and it was sunny and the snow crunched beneath each step through Allen Garden. It was the most beautiful snow (aside from the large, leaf-like flakes in Sapporo, Japan), and it was so sunny and bright and warm. I want that right now, minus the sun. I just want lots and lots of snow. I just want so much snow that everyone is snowed in and can't go anywhere. I want traffic jams and accidents. I want cars skidding and slipping. I want to hear tires whirring and engines dying. I want to be up here, in this Tin Hau apartment looking in amazement and laughing.

6 HKD = 1 CAN

Got a 45 minute foot massage last night for 78HKD

Hi! I'm in Vancouver!

Well, just the airport. I'm on my way to Hong Kong.

Breakfast with Dad

Buttermilk Pancakes

Ingredients:

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sugar
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
3 cups buttermilk
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar in a medium bowl. Add eggs, buttermilk, and 4 tablespoons butter; whisk to combine. Batter should have small to medium lumps.

In a pan (or you can use a griddle - heat the oven at 175 degrees) over medium heat, using a ladle, pour batter. When pancakes have bubbles on top and are slightly dry around edges, about 2 1/2 minutes, flip over. Cook until golden on bottom, about 1 minute.

Repeat with remaining batter, keeping finished pancakes on a heatproof plate in oven. Serve warm.

If you've got extra batter, store it in an airtight container in the fridge for a few days up to a week. If it goes gray, then it has bad.

Papaya Shake

Ingredients:
Half a papaya
Half a banana
3 cubes of ice (or more, whatever you prefer)
2 cups soy milk (or milk)
2 scoops vanilla ice cream
1 tbsp honey

Pulse on high for 30 seconds. Serve right away.
Makes 2 servings.

Project Friend: Janet Tse

For the sake of my stupid injuries, I waved off my shifts at work and have been under something around the likes of house lock down ever since. Over the past week, I haven't done that much. I hung out with Denver who visited me, I watched four or five docs and Debbie who chauffeured me places til I was fit enough to drive myself. I graduated university, I went to pick out diploma and picture frames with Woots, I limped my way down to Toronto and baked a cake for Jeebs and oh yeah! Janet came over yesterday and we went crazy in both the kitchen and Bath and Body Works! Hmm, I guess I did do a lot after all!

Goddammit, that paragraph was supposed to set up my rant about being bored and upset over photobooth not working. Photobooth is such a futile, egocentric way of passing time and it's the only way I exercise my vanity. So ever since my computer's camera went kaputz, I haven't really known what to do with myself on days where I look pretty. Sigh. I suppose this paragraph can lead up to my next one about Janet.

No matter how she looks or what she's doing, my good friend Janet always seems pretty. She's kind, gentle and so humble. Take for instance, when she came over to visit me yesterday, she knew I wasn't in the greatest shape so she bought me bandages, peroxide and this really awesome bio-oil lotion that reduces the appearance of scars! She also picked up some Sour Patch Kids, a fuckin' massive papaya and Jelly Bellies because not everyone likes Jelly beans but everyone loves Jelly Bellies!

Janet is the most thoughtful friend I have. She's dependable, friendly, outgoing, and sincere. She works hard but she knows when enough is enough and doesn't let her job consume her. Back in high school my mom used to drag me to this Chinese church. I didn't know anyone and the cool girls didn't like me because I didn't know how to speak fluent Cantonese so I hated going to church and dreaded every Sunday. But then I found out Janet went. She was so welcoming and fun to be around that she made what was originally felt like the fires of hell, a pleasant one, and that's what church is supposed to feel like. Nice.

Beautiful inside and out, here is a photo of my good friend Janet.

Note to Future Self (Read in Two Years)

I've been looking at a lot of things like art and photos, and I've been listening to people sing, play instruments, and I've read your blog and I think you write well. It's as if some people were born gifted and I wish I was naturally talented at a concentrated subject too. So that's when I started thinking, "Hmm, I should be good at something." And I started brainstorming and I think the only sport I'm good at, and gave up for another sport that I found "cooler" but really isn't, was skiing. I was super good. I fuckin' slalomed down those slopes and slithered between those moguls. I haven't skied in what seems like years and now I'm aching for some snow. Sure, yeah, I got a bloody nose the first time I pizza'd down a slope (it was in Whistler if that counts for anything) but I was, from what I can only deem as, "naturally good awesome."

Then I thought, "Man, I can't capitalize off of my skiing skills, unless I teach or something (I've always wanted to be a ski teacher. I think I'd be an annoyingly good one and give out way too many high-fives but whatevs). But even if I teach, that'd have to be seasonal."

So I started thinking again, and I talked to a few friends when we concluded that the only thing I'm good at is, well, talking in front of a camera. When I'm in front of a camera, I feel awake -- and I never do, and I feel confident and comfortable. I would still love to be a television personality and talk about music news or do a morning show, but since I'll be in school, non-stop, for the next two years, that's sorta out of the question. Right? Oh, I just hope I don't give up on this like I did with skiing. I guess that's why I wrote this post, to remind myself to put a freeze on the self-loathing and remember that, although I can't draw a picture or act to save my life, at least I'm good at something.

Don't give up on television Future Renée! Don't give up on it like you did with everything else! Just try. There's no harm in trying.